` masochistically

I think you shouldn't read this if you're not prepared for what I am about to grouse about.


But then right, you will just read, cos I just said all that, right? ftw.


Then you're asking for it. Now, lets play fill in the blanks at the (*)s.


I can't stand it how my 'rents buy my friends lunch and/or dinner but right, they act as if my 'rents are obligated to do so - cos they are not. (*) you okay? Okay. Many times, I feel like telling my 'rents to screw paying the bill cos I know my "friends" are ungrateful (*)s. haha. To think that these are my "friends" some more. K la. I think my mom's gonna tell me off for this public upheaval i'm creating. But yeah. I'm just going to get this over with.

My 'rents don't owe you a (*)ing living, don't have to pay for your(*)ing meals, but just do because they're like that. If you ask me why I don't tell them friends or if I suck balls at being a friend after this, i'll ask you one question - YOUR MOMMA NEVER TEACH YOU HOW TO (*)ing say THANK YOU IS IT? psht. Don't know how my 'rents can tahan footing each and every subsequent makan, without questioning me about my (*) friends manners or psht. All it takes right, is one (*)ing "thank you". Sure, they're earning $$, not like us, if you say - but common (*)ing courtesy teaches you how to (*)ing say "thank you" nonetheless. Correct me if i'm wrong.

Ok. Confirm gonna kena after this. =_= ftw.

To be fair to some of you who have this common courtesy, thanks for having it and being polite. Yeah i'm really belting this one out cos it has been on my mind for too long - being over a year, at least.


Imbecile.


kbacktowork.

` sri lankan culture

30 hours feminine.

101 Runaway.

I'm supposed to be doing this research on Sri Lanka (nay!) but i'm blogging (yay!).

My blog is not emo ok. It is so opposite of emo =_= I am a happy person.
*cough* Brandon *cough*

Besides that, I am not sexist. I am all for equal rights.

Just you wait. I bring camera and take lots of pictures of you all and post then I'll see what you have to complain.

Why are my friends like that. ftwftw.

Owhkay. Pictures coming soon.
Just to make you all happy =_=

k bye. Home and busy weekend, here I come. *pats own back*

` i see sky

So much to share, so little time.

So much to say, so little words.

So much time left, even more love to share.

` In Love With Insanity

Make your move on me. Queen of confusion
With open arms I await
Let me feel your love upon me
Your arms around me
You called my name at the darkest of moments
And gave me a will of my own

I'll keep you locked away
I'll keep you for me

You are my mistress. I am your slave
Alliance eternal. together we exist
Silence of mind I could not bare
Without your voice I'll go insane

Keep me safe. keep me sane

My head echoes your now silent words
In white sheets I lay. silent and pale
Our love was true. our love was pure
Did it mean nothing to you
You kept me safe. you kept me sane
And took it all away

You left me all alone
To the mercy of the world

Keep me safe. Keep me sane.

Seriously, who would've thought i'd let you convince me. =_=
I can't wait :)
My temptation, drug and sin.

` leave the ring on your finger

personal attacks: cheap shot.

yeahp. I learnt that today, fo sure.

Finally watched the season finale for GG.



"Like, can you say it twice?"
OHMAIGOSH. C and B, finally hitting it off properly! About time! :)


Time to pack my bags and buy shampoo.


On the other hand,


boring =_=. I kinda expected alot more, considering the cast?!

*******

It is very true (for me especially) when it comes to the impression of turning (insert any age here), you never really just turn that age. Say I turned nineteen, right? I wouldn't feel nineteen instantaneously. Do you wake up on the day of your birthday feeling exactly one year older from before? Because I don't. I don't wake up feeling more mature, more intelligent, more self-sufficient or independent. Come on. Who am I kidding?

I remember very clearly my sixth birthday - there was a clown and professionals who painted butterflies on my face and different stuff on my friends faces. I wanted to be sixteen, not just for the frivolity of it all, but because the clown made me lay eggs (ass of a magic trick) in front of my friends. I wanted to be sixteen, so that I would stand up to that huge clown in front of me and step on his damned toes, without being afraid. Yeah I was mean like that. I hated the clown alot for making me "lay eggs" in front of a crowd. Sure, the kids prolly didn't understand what was going on, and prolly thought it was cool and all, but I guess it was me wanting to grow up faster that got me all worked up at the clown. I wore a pink dress, and I had a pink butterfly on my whole face btw. I remember distinctly, two people. Jonathan (who's nearly a full-fledged doctor now! - wow) and Emily (I don't remember how I knew her or where she is now, or what happened to her =_= *shy). I wonder where she is, I wanna go back to being six, so I could ask her to stay and be my friend till today.

Then, there was a time when i was nine, and I hated school so much, because of the workload and all that forcing of Mandarin speaking - I got my kakak to do my tuition homework for me, and (duh) my teacher found out, and she kinda rotan me, and I wanted to be six all over again, because I wanted to cry so badly, but I wouldn't cos I was at the tuition teacher's house. I didn't wanna "embarrass" myself any more than I already had. Technically, irrelevant, because in my days, EVERYONE got a taste of the rotan on a regular basis. Plus, Chinese school kids have it harder - if they tell their parents the teacher caned them, they'd prolly get another round at home. Oh yeah. Our parents (nearly 50 students in a class) would give teachers canes (at least two from each of us) for freaking Teacher's Day (FTW), and there'd be at least 100 canes in the cupboard - couldn't have possibly hid or disposed that many - it would've been too obvious. Those days, I wanted to be thirteen so I could get into high school - Mandarin-free. Not so excited about that now.

Throughout my high school years, when exams were coming, I wanted to be twenty five so I would be able to work, and not study. Then when the parents decided to transfer me to a new school on the basis of more appropriate environment and conditions, I wanted to be six all over again, where I didn't have to worry about making friends, or caring even, if I have friends. Lol. Between being fourteen and seventeen, I bailed classes - less, with each passing year of course, but the moments I bailed classes and escaped punishment-free, I felt older, and superior. I felt nineteen. Just like a big girl. When I was fifteen, I never really went out with my friends, and that never posed as a problem, cos I had enough fun at home. When I was sixteen and had the sudden surge to go out, I think my parents freaked, and gave me pretty tight curfews. Those moments, I wanted to be twenty one, so that I could make my own decisions.

When I turned seventeen, my parents let me go out more, come back later - I wanted to be fourteen all over, so that they'd stop me from going out, and call me more often - just for the sake of security. Now, being nineteen, there are so many things I have no control over, and I want to cry - I want to be three, so that I can cry, and no one will judge me. In fact, people would mollycoddle me. When I falter or procrastinate and leave my work to the very last moment and I have to face the consequences, I get really scared, and I wish I were nine, so that school would be just about homework, not completing it, and bearing with the caning. That's all. Today, when I see my people around me sad, and I feel hopelessly helpless, I feel fourteen, and naive.

Therefore, I believe that no matter how old or young you are, you always want something more (or less). I am nineteen, and when i'm scared, I feel the fear I felt when I was six when I got lost in the shopping mall. I am nineteen, when i'm stressed out, I wanna be twenty three and a graduate - that way I wouldn't have to study so hard now. I am nineteen and when I turn twenty, I'll still feel nineteen, eighteen, all the way to three years young, and nothing is going to change. Tomorrow afternoon, I fly off with three friends for an ER, and I know that I am happy being me, because I am blessed - whether I am ten, eleven, sixteen, eighteen or twenty one. Oh and making the decision to come back before class, I felt like I was mature - twenty eight would be the number I would have labeled my age-of-the-moment. Waking up at 5.30am, going for Ascension mass at 6.30am, and seeing the blacks, Ivs and L, I felt like we were all twenty five - mature and deciding on what our priorities were - even if we were exhausted from the previous day - we went there by choice - on our own.

So really, being nineteen, I am one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, and nineteen years old - until I turn twenty, plus all my being of older ages. Yeah.

I never thought i'd say this,
but today, just today,
I can't wait for the rest of my life.

` under the sea

I like, I like, I like!

Okay. I know i'm like very backdated with 'em movies. Oh well. I suddenly found time (which I have a feeling I'm gonna lose very soon. hah). I went to watch this with the fats, who picked me up from prayer meet, where I was baby/child-sitting SEVEN kids owhkay *sweat blood*. Thank God my sister is growing, and she listens, so does the Heng 1 & 3. The rest were like ZOMGDNS FTW. Fine, i'll let J be the baby he is, only cos he's a baby. =_=

I can't believe we spent the day in class trying to disperse ourselves evenly, working so hard on that, then failing miserably right after the movie. haha. We suck, man. =_= And why must it be a compulsory event that I had to miss? And I wanna play dress up too, I DO! *sulks. hah. Well oh well. :( And blardy goodness, now I have to write a letter to excuse myself from playing dress up. How exciting. =_= And lunch was too much, while I attempted to cut back on the degree of embarassment I was causing myself.

Ps. "I have two balls", "Me too!", "Is this lift the appropriate place to say these things?"
Bell, seriously? haha.

Ah yes, I could get used to the airplane. I can feel the leaving-my-heart-behind feeling already. Three cheers for the champion who created the airplane. Ah. :) If the RATS give me that adrenaline, I'm all in it. :) I hope it'll happen! Oh and I finally found a bunch of people who enjoy "extreme sports". Ohwellokay there's no class tomorrow and I can't believe i'm going back without being forced.

So many questions
I Need an answer
Two years later
he's still on my mind.

Thank you for remembering, dear.
As for prayers, hah. It's about time.
The week will be over soon,
And when it's over, I'll be right here, as always.
Deal's on. *bear hug*

Good day, today.

` i'll call you edward cos I love you

Hi girl(s),

Does "shaking hands with depression" ring a bell?

hah.

` trouble is a friend

Couple of nights ago, Angels and Demons :) Awesome stuff.

"Religion is flawed, but only because man is flawed."
- Angels and Demons

Truer than true.

Besides that, I spent one of the mornings with the Godfather and his stories. Always a good laugh there, and so many insights. Then there was going to Pyramid *blech* and Charles & Keith-ing, which was a bore, not knowing where the X-Trail was parked, then walking aimlessly (after driving aimlessly) in the car park, looking for the City. hah. There was nothing entertaining. Period.

Today was all about positivity *bah. Today was a blind-as-a-bat day FTW. I forgot my glasses. I would think that the class (with all that break) can't get any more exciting. Coffee makes any day brighter, without making any effort yay yay. The weather was the bomb, and we walked back from KPD to the main block. Yeahp :) Then there was the McD moments and the "Around me, you're going to have to eat. Understand?" "Yes boss :)" haha. You see, i'm starting to enjoy myself. I can't wait.

Oh and people, never ever get yourself in a situation where you have to watch I love you, man. Stupidest show, yet. =_= double FTW moment. That kinda screwed my day up abit, but it's alright. I'm looking forward *shivers. This positivity is killing me. Think it'll last till I go to bed tonight.


I'd like to think that maybe, just maybe, it is time for me to face it, address it, and clean the cut. I don't want to be the stupid monkey. I just need time, and some advice from a fictional 16 year old :) Ah. Good day, and that's how I'd like to remember it. Oh and I used the MPH voucher that Nan so kindly shared with me :) . I spent like an hour in MPH deciding what I was gonna get, and I promise, Ian nearly lost his mind every time I saw or thought of something new. Heh.

Things change,
pain goes away,
and happiness exists on the other side.

Although pain comes back,
so does happiness.
Just like the waves in the ocean,
coming and going,
coming and going,
ever so gently.

-Adapted from Chicken Soup for the Soul.

And seriously, WHAT is with GG, OTH and Greys? Geezers! Don't read the following paragraph (which you need to highlight to see) unless you wanna hear my spoiler-ish grumpiness of how it's all got me waiting until next weekend (shucks I won't get it then, either, cos well, i'll be off, Again). hah. Can't wait. *claps hand. Oh btw, my charger is fried. hmph.

In GG, C lets B go because he "loves her" and wants her to have the "perfect night", and doesn't even defend himself when B accuses him of fixing the Prom Queen vote and sabotaging her chances, for Nelly Yuki. SERIOUSLY? And why does Peyton have to have a miscarriage so close to the end? I'm telling you, if she dies right, that's it. Freakazoids. Then again right, she and Lucas are leaving OTH right? OTH will never be the same without them. Oh well. I'll just have to look for other series (with the help of the Ellie, of course). As for Greys, Izzy's hallucinating cos of the freaking tumor? WHAT IS HAPPENING? Why is everything so drama one? :( So the finale is out. I'll get my hands on it. Just you wait. *Emo. =_=

I miss you more than I should,
Than I thought I could.
Can't get my mind off of you.
And I hate the phone,
But I wish you'd call.

` because i am SO hopeless according to yooou

I STILL have to run in tmr. hoho.

All because I am SO hopeless.

hah. Hypocrisy. My favourite part of this game we play.




I enjoy being dark and twisted. *claps hands*

` because i feel like it today

I typed this like million-word essay. Then I realised I wasn't going to post it. To make myself feel better, I'm posting something up, and this' it :)

Oh yeah Laura I think you're right. The fur turns white as they age.
Look at Mac then and now. =_=

things we used to pride ourselves in. heh.
Mid-teen crisis

great things come in small packages, but this is hardly small! :)


When I was thinner AND younger :) :) :)

` you start to compromise to get to the other side

You know where it all started? Right here.
That's the credit you deserve, for being you.

haha. I know some of the pics are cacat =_=
I used to take pics with my handphone and think they were pretty.
FTW.

Never would've imagined a place like this.
All the little things that keep me coming back for more.

One of those days where I feel absolutely random.

Good day today :)

` because times like these make life WORTH IT

The boys being boys, enjoying the organic pond :)

Ian taking large strides in the air, yo!

haha. Apparently this one's my friend =_='
Then again, one of a kind :)
Look at his face hahahahaahaha.

Here's to the new journey.


The new approach.
The new excitement.
The new found love.
The fresh friendships.
The tiny bed for four of us.
Oh and our bible moments.


Ps. Thank you Kath and Ivy for being awesome blossom room mates :)


Time to step up.


Oh hi to you, you should know it's you when you read this. I am protective and I will fight harder than you will, to save what's left. Watch me. Watch us. There's no denying this.


Oh and "Perbahasan pihak pembangkang penuh dengan lubang. Seperti keju Swiss", after directly translated from "The argument presented by the opposing team is full of flaws and holes, just like Swiss Cheese". FTW. =_= "Whatttttt?"