` don`t wanna start

Hello.

You can stop reading now if you’re not prepared for a long-drawn-out, ass of a painstakingly pathetic quibble, which I am about to start. Oh and I’m going to sound like a small kid, and I am hysterical, and there really isn't anything you can do about it. Plus, this is MY blog. Right? Meh!

To you,
You know very well that you can’t help but to read this, then ask me about it. ☺
hah. We’re so alike, we would’ve mistaken each other as best friends! Bullocks, huh? *quivers.

I think that deep down inside, we both know how much we’re so alike; and I’ll wager that it scares you shitless, as it does me. When you see me, you see yourself. Do you think I’m full of myself? I sure hope so. Because that is how we are so very much alike, too. Say, I’m only nice when I need something from you (or anyone else, for that matter). Oh man. That just hit the exact spot. You’re just like that too, baby! Just take a step back, and think. Reflect, and look at your life. Remember these “hmmm. I don’t know the texture. Better go be nice and ask her” or “hmmm. I don’t know how to prepare that do. Maybe I should call her” moments? Oh yes. Hell yes. I have so more that I refuse to acknowledge but we both know that I’m not the only one who is like that, at all. Then again, it is the moments like those, where we pick up bits and pieces of life's lessons. And in your words, it shapes us to be who we are and who we will be. Pathetic much, that they were terrible imprints that i'd very much like to (but can't) ignore.

Truth be told, it genuinely nauseates me to see myself in you, or your actions *shudders*. Wait. Let me rephrase myself. It immensely nauseates me to see you in ME. I think we’ve been friends for to long, yeah? Fyi, any disdain you feel towards me, you actually feel for yourself because, and only because we’re so much alike. It took me 19 bungled years (literally), to realize all this and yuck-ick-ugh-blech-eeew! Too long, I’d say. No thank you, I don’t like you. But time has come. Time for change, I tell myself. I keep telling myself that it’s okay but time and time again, you remind me with your own actions, that we are just the same.

From now, I seek change. Not for anyone, but myself. Because if I were to be anything comparable to you, my friend, I wouldn’t bear with me already. heh. I never want to be anything like you. Never. I hope I never. Honestly, ‘never’ has never played such a big role in my life, ever; so I say now, never, because I would just detest me. Right now, after all these realizations, it has suddenly dawned on me that I can now love myself. Call me a narcissist; I wish I were deserving of that title. I’ll save myself the misery of wanting the title I will never get, yeah?

narcissistic
nar·cis·sism (närs-szm) also nar·cism (-szm)
n.
1. Excessive love or admiration of oneself. See Synonyms at conceit.
2. A psychological condition characterized by self-preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem.
3. Erotic pleasure derived from contemplation or admiration of one's own body or self, especially as a fixation on or a regression to an infantile stage of development.
4. The attribute of the human psyche charactized by admiration of oneself but within normal limits.

According to the free Online dictionary.

So I memang tak jadi, trying to fit into those categories. heh.

Oh, in R’s words, I’m saving my damned ass before it gets too sorry for it’s own good. Awh, right? :) Sometimes she says the right thing. Other times she's just bleh. wtf. I don't want to use wrong words.


Ultimately,

It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break, the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job, which sees us through our darkest hours. It is the firefighter's courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent's willingness to nurture a child, that finally decides our fate.

- Quoted from text of President Barack Obama's inaugural address.

In conclusion,

I believe the children are our are future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the childrens laughter remind us how we used to be
Everybody searching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found anyone to fulfill my needs
A lonely place to be
So I learned to depend on me

I decided long ago, never to walk in anyones shadows
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They cant take away my dignity
Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all

And if by chance, that special place
That you've been dreaming of
Leads you to a lonely place
Find your strength in love

Fucking hypocrites who sang this pathetic song. Not Whitney Houston, really. I mean the other people who sing along to it when it plays on radios, or at an event and what not. You know what? I'm not going to feel empathetic for you. But maybe I can afford sympathy. You deserve need it.


With lots of charity,
the bitch.


Meh.