` don`t wanna start

Hello.

You can stop reading now if you’re not prepared for a long-drawn-out, ass of a painstakingly pathetic quibble, which I am about to start. Oh and I’m going to sound like a small kid, and I am hysterical, and there really isn't anything you can do about it. Plus, this is MY blog. Right? Meh!

To you,
You know very well that you can’t help but to read this, then ask me about it. ☺
hah. We’re so alike, we would’ve mistaken each other as best friends! Bullocks, huh? *quivers.

I think that deep down inside, we both know how much we’re so alike; and I’ll wager that it scares you shitless, as it does me. When you see me, you see yourself. Do you think I’m full of myself? I sure hope so. Because that is how we are so very much alike, too. Say, I’m only nice when I need something from you (or anyone else, for that matter). Oh man. That just hit the exact spot. You’re just like that too, baby! Just take a step back, and think. Reflect, and look at your life. Remember these “hmmm. I don’t know the texture. Better go be nice and ask her” or “hmmm. I don’t know how to prepare that do. Maybe I should call her” moments? Oh yes. Hell yes. I have so more that I refuse to acknowledge but we both know that I’m not the only one who is like that, at all. Then again, it is the moments like those, where we pick up bits and pieces of life's lessons. And in your words, it shapes us to be who we are and who we will be. Pathetic much, that they were terrible imprints that i'd very much like to (but can't) ignore.

Truth be told, it genuinely nauseates me to see myself in you, or your actions *shudders*. Wait. Let me rephrase myself. It immensely nauseates me to see you in ME. I think we’ve been friends for to long, yeah? Fyi, any disdain you feel towards me, you actually feel for yourself because, and only because we’re so much alike. It took me 19 bungled years (literally), to realize all this and yuck-ick-ugh-blech-eeew! Too long, I’d say. No thank you, I don’t like you. But time has come. Time for change, I tell myself. I keep telling myself that it’s okay but time and time again, you remind me with your own actions, that we are just the same.

From now, I seek change. Not for anyone, but myself. Because if I were to be anything comparable to you, my friend, I wouldn’t bear with me already. heh. I never want to be anything like you. Never. I hope I never. Honestly, ‘never’ has never played such a big role in my life, ever; so I say now, never, because I would just detest me. Right now, after all these realizations, it has suddenly dawned on me that I can now love myself. Call me a narcissist; I wish I were deserving of that title. I’ll save myself the misery of wanting the title I will never get, yeah?

narcissistic
nar·cis·sism (närs-szm) also nar·cism (-szm)
n.
1. Excessive love or admiration of oneself. See Synonyms at conceit.
2. A psychological condition characterized by self-preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem.
3. Erotic pleasure derived from contemplation or admiration of one's own body or self, especially as a fixation on or a regression to an infantile stage of development.
4. The attribute of the human psyche charactized by admiration of oneself but within normal limits.

According to the free Online dictionary.

So I memang tak jadi, trying to fit into those categories. heh.

Oh, in R’s words, I’m saving my damned ass before it gets too sorry for it’s own good. Awh, right? :) Sometimes she says the right thing. Other times she's just bleh. wtf. I don't want to use wrong words.


Ultimately,

It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break, the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job, which sees us through our darkest hours. It is the firefighter's courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent's willingness to nurture a child, that finally decides our fate.

- Quoted from text of President Barack Obama's inaugural address.

In conclusion,

I believe the children are our are future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the childrens laughter remind us how we used to be
Everybody searching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found anyone to fulfill my needs
A lonely place to be
So I learned to depend on me

I decided long ago, never to walk in anyones shadows
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They cant take away my dignity
Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all

And if by chance, that special place
That you've been dreaming of
Leads you to a lonely place
Find your strength in love

Fucking hypocrites who sang this pathetic song. Not Whitney Houston, really. I mean the other people who sing along to it when it plays on radios, or at an event and what not. You know what? I'm not going to feel empathetic for you. But maybe I can afford sympathy. You deserve need it.


With lots of charity,
the bitch.


Meh.

` helsinki

So you see, today I wasted 3 hours of my life. I went for class thinking there was going to be a quiz (only to find out that it was canceled). Yes, I was kinda expecting it, but still! Then, I went for LAN and less than 60 out of 140 students turned up (and i'm pretty sure half of those who didn't turn up were just hanging around town, not out of town). So the teacher was like "oh. Since there are less than half of you, I think I won't teach today". *blech. We know what your underlying intention was. Can you imagine, out of the whole row, there was just NaiHoe, KuanHan and me. Where, in the world did everyone disappear to? Least I got me nuggets *thanks :) . Then I came home in the blistering cold rain to awesome dinner. The main side dish was scallop, just like the picture below, which I got from google (the power of Google still amazes me, seriously). The only difference was that the scallop we had was as big as my hand? Yeah. Quite cool. I haven't seen anything this big. Or maybe I have, but I never really liked it (if you know me, shells and miChelle does not come together. heh.)


Anyway, after dinner, mom asked me to go to Greenway at the BU Centrepoint to get some tomatoes. So I drove there, alone. Fine. No biggie, right?

Then, I got there, parked my car, walked in the drizzle, only to find Greenway CLOSED. HELLO I KNOW IT'S CHINESE NEW YEAR
BUT YOU MUST NOT CAUSE SUCH INCONVENIENCE
FOR YOUR CUSTOMERS.
I AM A PAYING CUSTOMER
(and the rambling GOES ON ...)


So I thought to myself, "Hey. Lets call mom and tell her that I'll check One Utama".
*digs my bag for cellphone*
*digs deeper*
*puts bag down and opens it wide*
*picks up items in bag One by ONE*
*iPod, car keys, purse, water bottle, grocery list, spectacle box, parking ticket etc.
BUT STILL NO PHONE.

*runs to car.

*opens car door.

*dig around my car.

*Pour out contents of my bag onto car seat.

Result: Mess. But still no cellphone.

Thought: Massive shitters did someone flick it from my bag through all that mess while I was walking towards Greenway?

Assumption: I left it on the sofa while watching tv and I forgot to bring it out. *hyperventilates.

So poor me, all me, drove to OU. Knowing my mom and my sister, they were bound to call me to tell me to get something they prolly forgot to put in the list. What if they called and they couldn't get me and they thought I got abducted? Not funny right. And after watching Taken, I don't think I want to see my parents do all that. haha. Cheh.

When I got to OU, I found a parking lot right in front of the entrance cos being typical Malaysians, no one wants to get wet by that little drizzle that couldn't even hurt a bee. I went in and thought of calling my mom with the public phone (that was before I realised I hadn't had any change or coins). Such a pain. I then proceeded to grocery shopping (and obviously it was looking for the basic milk, cereal, tissue, etc etc. So I kinda had a hard time looking for the stuff, which was made worse at the rate Jusco was pretty darned understocked). Paid for the stuff and finally had change, so I dashed for the nearest public phone and called home and my first statement was "Make it quick. This is a public phone and I only have thirty cents". My last statement was "If i'm not back in an hour, please call the police k, bye!"

Goodness. I couldn't have been more dramatic about it, right? Then again, who uses the public phone anymore, nowadays? I can't remember the last time I used a public pay phone. So filthy. *blech. Yet, it brought back fond memories.

Damn... Life is pretty darned pathetic without a phone right?

Yeah.

Wow. You got this far?

*hats off

Rambling ends here.

Lotsa Love.


p/s: I will try to fix my font. Stop complaining that it's small. All of you. I am only so well-versed with these HTML codes (If they're even called that)(why do I always say things in parentheses???). K. Bye.

p/p/s: hey friend, we'll always be friends, throughout the "huhu" seshions in the night. "huhu"

n_O.O_n

` new skin day

I have absolutely no idea how to change the colour of my background. Thank goodness the pink isn't the hot pink, cos that would be absolutely berserk in the girly-girl way, which doesn't appeal to me, in any way... Great. Now my blog doesn't have a header and I have absolutely no idea how to fix it. Besides that, my freaking pictures can freaking jump... =_=" like seriously. Just consistently put the cursor on and off the picture and you'll see. It's driving me crazy, especially since last posts pictures are pretty disturbing. heh. jk. :) *peace, yo!*

Times have changed and I am embracing change, yo! I am embracing change. I am still the same person. A few people msgd me to ask if I was okay. Apparently, a change of blog skin requires some drastic emotional change and people asked if I was emo. Hell no! If I were emo, i'd be painting my nails black, listening to.... black metal (however neither exists anywhere near me). But no, I painted them purple and stuck thingamajigs all over them. Yes. And he said "nice what!", which was pretty contrasting to what I was expecting. Oh yay! CNY holidays start tomorrow but sadly, ends on Tuesday. =_= mm.

I need to get my fat behind off the chair, to start exercising. I am becoming a big fat blob/slob. Seriously. Have you seen me? :( Oh I have plenty of pictures to post but after spending the last two hours fixing this damned template (ps: I am completely noob when it comes to all these HTML or whatsoever codes you all have names for). mm. The power of technology. I'm just rambling here... I'm sleepy... Okay... I will add pictures to my *cough - i'm proud of my new blog - cough* new blog soon.

If I don't blog before that, Happy Chinese New Year to all the Chinese people and non-Chinese who are enjoying the holidays as much as we are. heh. *peace*

Lovely loving.

edit/

omgsh I just realised that you can't leave comments, I can't find my "edit" icon, and and... I don't have that usual bar up there by blogger... How to edit if I can't just click "back" after this? Die man. Rach you better come help me fix this tmr. Oh no0o0o. Disaster .... OMGSH. no post title... I CANT EVEN VIEW MY PAST COMMENTS? .... #$%^&*()(*&^% This' what the chinese mean when they say "toh toh yeh"... I getit I getit. Now someone, fix this, please? :(


Now i seriously emo.


Goodnight. :(

` as promised

Hi people.

I have a friend who's single and available; currently considering chances of meeting a lifetime partner. Guys who think you're hot enough, please contact me and i'll hook you up. But of course, preferably, female. I try not to encourage homosexuality (esp cos it's a he, in this case). He will make a good friend and partner, ever-willing to help and always ready to lend you an ear. He keeps secrets quite well (when he wants to, that is). He has an imposing sense of humour, and has the ability to serenade you while playing his guitar. He likes to takei. If he had 5 dollars in his wallet, he will pay RM2 to the cab driver to take him to Blitzone and pay RM3 to takei. That is living proof that if he likes doing whatever it is he decides to put his mind to, he will go all the wayyyy + sacrifices, of course. :)

Carefully evaluate the following:

he is very kewl v(=_=)v
just like the emoticon. Heh.


very ban cute
kawaii :)


also full time ban kewl! :)


heh. Don't kill me la keni.
Friend friend mah.

so....
Any takers? :)

kenny. says: (1:51:10 AM)
im bored
kenny. says: (1:51:12 AM)
can you blog about me


Goodnight. :) Thanks for being who you are. Don't marah ya. heh

` Mr. Postman

First of all, Happy Belated New Year. Yes. I am late. Oh well. I don't think anyone really reads this blog but yes. It's good to keep track of good and bad times alike. 2008 had it's fair share of ups and downs, good and bad times, in the similar manner. There were moments I would never change, if I were given a chance; at variance, there were moments I wish I could've taken back. Friendship has an altogether meaning now. Who would've known the essence of that one thing that brought us together to be friends, would also be the one which had the power to severe all ties? Well, in my book, anyway. Sometimes life hands you two choices, and either way you hurt someone. Life's a bitch, like that, but that's life. Nothing I say or no amount of cuss words I can say will change it, so let me embrace this year with the hope, prospects and dreams that you have blessed me with. Thank you. Nuff said.

Pictures are not in chronological order.
And yes, I have all the other pics, I will upload them. Someday?

Merry New Year, folks!

I'm enjoying the new year, so far.



Love much.

` shopping bag of excuses

haha.

Everyone's back from Australia. Haven't had time to meet up with most, though. Sorry for skipping all the dinners, yumcha sessions, lunches, outings and occasions to well, meet up. Just give me a week more. I promise i'll try my best-est to make time for you all? Then again, you guys will be here till February, so no rush, right? I'm sure in between now and then, i'll find, well, time. Right? Well, yes i'll try so shush already. It can be a pain to be constantly kept on your toes. Literally. My toes are sore. But, I love my new heels. Beats the M&S pair I originally wanted, anytime, in terms of comfort, that is. :) haha. As a matter of fact, besides the absence of the gem studded star (that I liked and mom didn't), it was all pretty similar. Since my shopping for Christmas (not really Christmas, but yes, shopping) started, the best purchases I have made must be the heels, the iPod nano covers (5 colours okay!) and the DP clutch. I mean, the rest have been awesome, but I still need time to wear them. I've got a long day ahead, tomorrow. I'm bringing my sleeping bag :) Anyway, lazy to upload all the pics, especially those from prac. Random pics from yesterday and today. Oh and today was an absofreakinglutely long bojangle forest day. Sigh. So tiring. Yes, and I chose today to blog. I'm quite a bright bulb. This year doesn't feel like Christmas. But if I hit the right, button, it might actually be better than Christmas. Right now, i'm just plain tired. I need a kickstart and I can't wait for the 28th before it all happens now, can I? Cos by then, it'd be over! Gee. Oh and JoAnn came back from Korea with an entire box-full of food (which was there the whole day but I only found out at about 4pm?) but I especially enjoyed the seaweed, thank you JoAnn. You know what feels good? When you're preparing for a performance, when you're scared shitless, seriously, and all you do is mumble a short plea, and you hit the right note, keep the right beat, get that extra breath to hold the tune, and you feel like the crowd doesn't matter anymore. God, that feeling, is just ... awesome. And that peace? Only through Him. Thank you, God, for keeping me sane in this insane world.

omgsh. heels and rain = walking disaster.
Luckily I had an island to myself, which turned out to be a disaster as my bin kept moving forward and I was just plain constrained by my absolutely tiny 1foot diameter island. Bloody jumping frogs.

Thank you everyone who helped in one way or another, today.




Night :)

Have a blessed Christmas ahead.

` really and truly

I haven't had the time or mood to blog properly, so this'll have to last till possibly next year. hee. *peace*


Merry Christmas, loves!

` variety - the spice of life

Variety - the spice of life

So is chili, baby. So is chili. I remember the torment I went through when I couldn't find proper chili in Australia. Bloody bullocks. Maybe I didn't try the right stores, but heck, I asked at every restaurant/fast-food joint and everything. Until I finally come to a nice quaint store, owned by Koreans. I saw chili flakes behind the counter and I quickly inquired, shook away on my pasta and sat down happily, while the Koreans thought I was somewhat insane. But seriously, no chili = can die. Lol. I didn't know I had such a craving for it, till then. Sigh. Anyway, back to the Korean Chili Flakes. They weren't like other Australian chili sauces which were sweet, neither were they spicy. Argh. The agony. Well, that's the closest I got to chili while I was there. Lol. Random? I know. Just thought of the importance of chili in my life, cos I just had uber spicy Ramen and it just made my day, yo! :) I like like like Korean food. Well, the spicy part, at least. I even like Korean soap operas/dramas. And I think 'em Korean boys are pretty off-the-hook-ly good looking. *mmmmm... But I still try to stay away from Kimchi for as much as I can. *shivers

Lo and behold, my first Korean obsession - So Ji Sub, who acted in "Sorry, I love you", which was recently aired on 8tv, four years after it was released. hahaha. okay BYE.

Oh wait. Before I go, I extracted this from wikipedia

Career

So Ji Sub started out his career as a model. Before taking up acting, he was also an accomplished swimmer, having won medals in the national level. In the late 90s, he first played small parts such as in "Model". In 2002, his first large role was in Glass Slippers, where he played a gangster who falls in love with the main female character. In 2005, he starred in the immensely popular drama, "I'm Sorry, I Love You", which garnered him many awards and drew attention all over Asia. Unfortunately, his career was interrupted by service in the Korean military, which he completed in 27 April 2007.

Facts

• Name: So Ji Sub
• Date of birth: November 4, 1977
• Place of birth: Seoul, South Korea
• Schools: Kwangsung Middle School, Kwangsung High school, Korea National University of Phyiscal Education, Chung Woon University (majored in Broadcasting & Acting)
• Horoscope: Scorpio
• Height: 182cm
• Weight: 70 kg
• Blood type: O
• Interest: All kinds of sports & excercise
• Specialty: Swimming (Medalist on National athletic meet)

hahaha. Sigh... Lifeless.

` miracles happen

I'm really no big fan of reviewing movies, telling people what's nice or not to watch, or anything at all. But seriously you guys, watch this movie! haha. It's a really good movie on relationships and marriage. Then again, i'm really not up and hopping with all the current movies. Maybe everyone (but me) has already watched it. But come on you guys! I have no time for movies. No interest, some times. But this this this movie, is really nice. I liked the 'make a list' thingamajig. It's very real that we take a lot of things for granted, just because things, or people are constantly readily available, all at our disposal. In today's society, we're pressured by keeping up with the speed of things, we forget to keep our lives in reality check. We're very often (at least I am, don't know about everyone else) caught up with school work, this work, just hanging out, and chasing after due dates that we forget that friendships and relationships need the occasional nourishing, refreshing and nudging. Hey I haven't neglected any one of you, right? haha. Just a thought. Alright, brace yourself for some mind blowing, insensate ramblings. You might just want to stop right here. :) And if you were wondering, yes, I'm on a blogroll. Hence, the consistent (or so I think) updates.

Anyway, for those of you who have been bewildered and disturbed with the fact that I hadn't watched Transformers, I finally did! Now, now, calm down. No big hooha! Well, it was about time, and I chose the most uncanny time to watch it. The day I woke up early to study for my finals. Yes, I woke up at 9am, to watch Transformers (just like I spent an hour looking painstakingly for the M&S heels on their catalogues, just before another exam. haha.). Distractions (!) , people! What am I saying? I need to get a grip on my life. haha. Yes. Nevertheless, I admit it was a real good movie. What was I thinking when I said there was no need to watch it? So I can finally return all your DVDs :) haha.


Well, remember I said I got a new dog? Jack Russell. I said I was gonna upload a picture of the dude right? Here it is. I like the dog, cos as I said, it walks funny and it makes me happy. Seeing it gives me a good start to my day and somehow or rather, I feel so much better after I see it. Even if i've had one helluva day, seeing Prince (that's his name, btw) makes all the anxiety go away. What say you? :)

Babe! Remember this clown? haha. I just found the picture.
(which I unintentionally made sad, hence the face)

A friend asked me, "why do you paint your nails? Why do girls paint their nails?" Well girls, I don't know about you, but it is very therapeutic for me. I can be stressed, deranged, psychopathic and cranky, but let me sit down and paint my nails, and my whole world just falls right back into place. (Shows just how much more deranged I am, huh?) haha. For instance, when I'm stressed out right before my exams, I paint my nails. When i'm upset, I paint my nails. Oh and a friend once told me, the colour we choose to paint our nails reflect very much on our emotions and feelings. I couldn't have put it better. Take the picture above, for example. That was Dark purple, right before exam, and stress was the mood. Go figure. As for guys who paint their nails? Well, there are many sides to that story la yeah? haha.




Btw, for those who are looking on buying an iPod, there's this new official Apple Malaysia Online Store. It's a whole lot easier to relate, in terms of pricing, cos it's all in Ringgit (finally). They have this awesome engraving and wrapping service, plus shipping thing going on, which is sucha steal (i think la). Shipping is free if you purchase over RM250. Oh come on, you don't really expect to get anything there for very cheap prices, do you? Anyway, other than that engraving thing, I think i'd stick to purchasing Apple things from stores, just cos I prefer it that way.


Yeah I know, I know. There isn't any connection between all the paragraphs. Just random thoughts I decided to put down. That's all :)


So, I finished all the major obstacles to my holidays papers today. It's a good thing, right? :) yums. Freedom hasn't tasted this awesome, in a long time. I promise i'll try to stop procrastinating next year. One month to go and it'll be a new year. How did you spend your new year 2008? How are you gonna usher in the challenges, prosperity and love 2009 holds?


Anyway, I haven't been like all poser for some time now. So I decided to mess around with my webcam today, and took like 2134567786543 pictures. :) haha. Random? I know. But i'm in such a good mood, potentially nothing can change it. Not yet, at least. Alright. byeee :)






p/s: Sorry no Chinese words today. haha. And congrats if you got this far.

` guess who's back, yo!

Hello, world.

Guess who's back, yo! I love the Australian holidays, cos them bundle them Malaysians back home, and we see familiar faces :)

For instance, ms. Grumpy-bob-head Karina, and mr. Potbelly Niggy Nigel.
Yes I look like shit, but it's the thought that counts, right? Right? No? :( okay. Well then just bear with it k? LOL.
Nigel, the moment I walked into the lift that morning, I could smell you.
hahahaha. I knew you were there. And there you were. :)


This' what we call tough love.
After all those times. :) haha.
Well, Joshua doesn't look the happiest in this picture. =_=

And of course our all-time-favourite, shameless Shamus. Our Sydney tour guide.
haha. Luckily, he doesn't have my blog addy. Not yet, not anytime soon.
Hopefully. haha. He was a good surprise for a good Sunday morning.
He just popped up and I asked the stupidest question *tired la okay!*
"SHAMUSSSS. Where you came frommmm? *Grinssss"
"uhm.... Australia???!?"

Oh btw, that's the picture of fried ice cream at the SS2 pasar malam.
*shruggs* super dirty man, pasar malams.
But, the food, is another thingggg. You see, i'm happy when i'm fed.
(after whining for about... two hours, throughout some movie. What was it again?)
haha. I know this one damn late. And I lazy to post other PasarMalam pics. LOl.

Sucha pretty bike.
I know this' so random, but yeah. I cannot tahan Ducatis.
Did I mention that I went to the condo outside my housing area, and there was one? I just stood there for like five minutes staring at it. And, and and,,,, the owner right,,, takes good care of it,,,, it was so clean,,,, . Well, either that, or it was brand new and sitting there for show. haha.
They make me weak in the knees.


Okay. Study time. Bye yoooo!


好想好想念你哦！子怕自己愛上你。
可能的一回事嗎？

I just found out my Mac can time in Chinese, yo! So, bear with me for the next few posts k? Cos I am very much fascinated with it. :) oh and sorry if I make mistakes with my Mandarin k? Unless it's fatalistic, let it be la k? My Chinese karat d. :)

I'm in a very good mood, now that I got it all sorted out. :)